Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Killing my American Dream.

For what felt like an eternity we looked at homes. . .
Small houses with tiny backyards right below Midway's airspace, medium-sized houses with bigger backyards and character, condos with quirky Polish neighbors, and countless others.
Sometimes I'd spend hours every night looking through real estate listings, I'd shut my eyes and say . . .  "This is it, this is MY house." I convinced myself that a house would fill a void in my heart.
For some reason I would get emotionally attached to these homes, there was one house that broke my heart. This house had the white fence, the cute little kitchen, and it was less than 15 minutes from our church and our friends. We got our offer in within the first couple days it was listed, we didn't get it. Outbid.               My "American Dream" flew out the window, it killed me. I mourned my dream. . . hard.
I still remember how I felt in that moment, I felt like God didn't hear my prayers anymore. . . like God didn't want me to be near my friends or care about my desires or dreams.

I never deleted the above photo from my phone, it is the only house that I kept pictures of. . . I think what I'm going to say in a few brief sentences is why I never deleted it.

This morning I read a devotional about "joy", how there are moments of extreme joy in our lives. . . but how when we look back our lives we will see the whole picture (Not just the moments of utter joy.)  One day I will get my house, I can't imagine or fathom my joy on that day. But my version of the "American Dream" is not what I want anymore, my desire is to essentially have whatever He wants me to have. . . even if it's uncomfortable sometimes. Most of my friends are still over a half hour away and I'm not going to lie, that part still hurts.

If you're reading this and you're dealing with disappointment and feeling like you're walking uphill backwards in a snowstorm. . . things do get better. Sometimes (most times) your dream doesn't play out exactly like you thought it would. But I urge you to find joy in the small things, even when you feel like you can't hold your ahead above water. There are better days ahead friend, you are precious and loved. Find joy in the small things, give thanks for good days and the ones that aren't so good. Things may wind up a little different than you planned, but I'm learning to find joy in that as well.

Psalm 30 (NLT)
1I will exalt you, Lord, for you rescued me.
You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.
2O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
and you restored my health.
3You brought me up from the grave,O Lord.
You kept me from falling into the pit of death.
4Sing to the Lord, all you godly ones!
Praise his holy name.
5For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
6When I was prosperous, I said,
“Nothing can stop me now!”
7Your favor, O Lord, made me as secure as a mountain.
Then you turned away from me, and I was shattered.
8I cried out to you, O Lord.
I begged the Lord for mercy, saying,
9“What will you gain if I die,
if I sink into the grave?
Can my dust praise you?
Can it tell of your faithfulness?
10Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me.
Help me, O Lord.”
11You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
12that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

***One of my friends released this video today, this song is wonderful and so is the heart of the dude that's singing it. Check it out! ***

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